Dear Mom (4)

Dear Mom,

I love that I can be of service to you and to Dad during this time. I feel confident that I will never have the regret of feeling I could have done more after you’ve gone.

But, I’m exhausted. And my old nemesis insomnia has set up camp in my life once again. It’s not a great combo – it has made me short-tempered and downright bitchy at the smallest of annoyances.

So, thank you for understanding that I couldn’t come down-state to be with you this weekend. I needed to stay home, take my sleeping pills and try to recover a little from the exhaustion that I have let take over.

While I am awake this weekend I’m trying to get my house clean – or at least not as unclean as it has been for the last month. And packing, preparing to move downstate to be near you and to help care for both you and Dad on more than just weekends. It’s a big change, but I know it’s the right move to make.

And, to be honest, the move isn’t all about you, you know that. You know I’ve been contemplating this move for over a year now. You didn’t want me to, until recently, and now you’re feeling urgent for me to get the move done. You even bought a condo for me before I could even find a job or get my house up north ready for showing & sale. But, I can’t move until I find a new job. So, for the time being I’m in a sort of stand still, until the job is offered & accepted. Then the move will happen quickly.

The problem is I just got this job that I enjoy & doesn’t stress me out. Sigh.
But, don’t take that as a complaint – I am glad to be moving back to my hometown, to be with you, to soak up every memory I can with you and Dad.

I love you,
M

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